Be Open To Change

“It is not the strongest of the species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change.” Charles Darwin

Too often in relationships there are far too many shoulds and have tos and not enough cooperation and growth. Without change, relationships stagnate and die.

If we are open to asking questions, open to really getting to know our selves and each other, if we are open to learning relationship skills, practicing and experimenting to find what works well for us in our relationship. If we refuse to accept setbacks as failure and look for the lessons in disappointment and frustration.

Then we can grow stronger together, rather than growing apart in our relationships.

Being open to change means allowing ourselves to be vulnerable, to accept that we may not know all the answers and that there may be more than one way to get what we need and want in our relationship. Being open to change means being accepting and respectful of other peoples truth, especially our partners'.

The most powerful change we can make is to change our mind. When we change our mind we can create lasting change in our relationship. Changing the way we see ourselves, our partner, and our problems can transform our lives.

Some relationship enhancing changes to make:

Change negative thought patterns to positive thought patterns

Change the need to control to the desire to cooperate

Change rejection to acceptance

Change judgement to forgiveness

Change stagnation to growth

Change boredom to awe and fascination

Change withholding love to choosing to be generous

Change anger to curiosity

Change indifference to attentive caring

Change anxiety to calmness

Change selfishness to gratitude

Be open to change. The most important change you will ever make is to change your attitude to one that builds and strengthens your relationships. Embracing positive change rather than demanding security will make your relationship more lasting. Perhaps security is a little like happiness; in that you have to give up trying to make it happen in order to find it.


Susan Derry, B.Ed., M.S.Psy., R.P.C., C.P.C.
Professional Counselor & Life Coach
Co-author of Marriage Prep: Beginnings a downloadable marriage preparation course
Co-author of Intimate Sex: Manual for Lovemaking, a sex manual for couples
Offers a free Nurturing Marriage Ezine